Easy answer - Don't Have Kids

I'll admit, I love reading the headlines and stories on Yahoo. Sometimes you find gems, a blogger who you start following cause they know how to deal with picky eaters. Or important information like who's who in Hollywood and what movies they are currently in.

Today I stumbled upon a very good one. A book coming out, entitled. Torn: The true stories of kids, Career and modern motherhood. A quote or two from this book.


"I wasn't feeling very empowered. I was feeling tricked and misled and angry. Why had I worked my ass off to start a career that I would only have to derail once I gave birth?"

..."Giving up the money (more than half our income) was hard. Giving up the label and prestige was harder…. Feeding her and getting her to sleep were victories. But where was the 'A' I was used to getting, and where was my bonus?"  

There are more like this. This is where I went off a bit. (Thankfully I have a very understanding husband who agrees with me).

Girls, if you want your big fancy career your super duper paycheck, designer clothing, etc. etc. and don't want that "spoiled" by having to have to 'gasp' be a mom, then don't. Seriously. Don't. The quote "tricked and misled and angry" by what? 

I got pregnant with out trying. I don't call it a mistake. I don't called it an oops. I call it gift. A wonderful miracle I didn't even know I needed. If you willingly think, career, husband okay time for kid and then say wait what? you mean I have to pick them up at daycare when they are sick? What's this a performance I have to attend, play dates, you mean they don't raise themselves? Then holy goodness DON'T have them! There are around 7billion people on this planet. That's right, over 7billion. I think the world can live with selfish people breeding. Fun fact, kids always know how you feel. Always.

If you can't put your career on the back burner, put yourself second, put your kids needs before you own, then you shouldn't have kids. Seriously wake up and think about that. That doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't. You can adopt, later in life, you can have children once you are settled in your career. Freeze your eggs so they are ready when you are. Whatever, there are so many options. You don't have to go and have kids because society says to. Don't have them if you can't handle them.

It bothers me beyond belief when people use their kids as an excuse. "shucks, I would have gotten my doctorate, *looks at child* but you know..." "Yeah I use to be a size 0 *looks at baby* but you know..."
Man up damn it. Its a kid, your kid. Stop treating them like they are a mistake, or an obstacle.

This week, for an example. My son has half days all week. Sucks to be me right? No, why? I get to spend time with my son. Because the only regret I have working is that it takes me away from him. I get through this knowing he is having FUN and learning while I am slaving away. I have maybe five minutes ten with bad traffic, to go from worker bee to mom. I do this because I want to. I do this because I love being a mom. And I never asked to be one. This wasn't a quote 'choice'. I have dirty laundry that piles up, dust in the corners, and there is a mystery meat in the freezer that I keep forgetting to throw out. I like it. Yes it stresses me out, yes I get frustrated, but I wouldn't change it for anything. I don't remember the last time I got a good night sleep (okay that one I would gladly have back), my figure will probably never be the same. But I have laugh lines and I like them. My tummy is the perfect pillow for a little head, and they make a wonderful beverage called coffee that I am in favor of.

I posted an article this week for men to man up and be dads. Well women, you have to man up and be a mom too. Just because you have the ability to have babies doesn't mean you are exempt for the rest of their life. And it doesn't mean you get to blame them for ruining your life.

Graduation Day

Cody graduated from Southampton Elementary Preschool today - June 17, 2011. It was a very bittersweet moment for this mommy. It was bittersweet for a lot of reasons.
Sweet, because this was huge, nine months of his life. I have watched him grow, learn, and change. When he started he couldn't write his name, now still with difficulty, but he can. Also he can:
*count all the way to hundred
*Sing countless songs
*Knows his alphabet
*can draw/paint and color much better then before
*Can "build" better then before
*plays with other children more (which is a huge improvement)
*He is getting really good a phonics and rhyming and can "read" really simple words. Which I find fantastic.
*He can get undressed and dressed all by himself. He only has issues with real buttons.
*He can hit a softball when you throw it. (Not just tee-ball style)
He is an amazing little boy with so much light. So much energy. Every day he does or says something that makes me laugh and makes me take a moment and say, thank you. Thank you for allowing me to be the mother of  this precious amazing little person. I am so blessed.

This is a bitter moment too though. First and foremost that he will have another graduation next year. We still feel, with the impending move, and with his continuing delay, that it will be best for him to start Kindergarten at six. Still, when he was up there singing a song about going to Kindergarten I cried.

His "friends" whom I never really met for one reason or another but he will never see them again. I know, he is four, still. Its sad. He will never walk down those halls again (unless he chooses to do so when he is adult).

They were all up there, saying what they wanted to be when they grow up. I couldn't help but wonder, how many will see their dreams come true. Its depressing, I know, but for a moment that thought was there. All these innocent little faces. And for a moment I was sad that I won't see that same group up there for high school. It made me kind of mad all over again that we moved down here. My son should have had a home to grow up in and a school to go to his whole life. Like I did. I feel awful that we didn't give that to him. I am, of course, comforted to know that since we are doing preschool again, he will have the same group...still...It weighs on you as a parent. All the choices you make...even the little ones.

Anyway, enough of my exhausted pondering. It was a happy day. He did wonderfully, sang beautifully was so super adorable. He really is growing up and time is moving so fast. Before I know it, I will be writing about his high school graduation.

Harry Freaking Potter

Its Harry freaking Potter. The final movie is months away, so I thought I should write about the last 14 YEARS of my life.
Let me start with some facts.
Fact 1: J.K. Rowling is now a billionaire - 1.1 billion according to Forbes magazine.
Fact 2: She was unemployed when she finish her first book. So she went from unemployed to a billionaire in less then 10 years. Good for you.
Fact 3. The books have sold over 400 million world wide and have been translated in over 60 languages.

You can say what you want, but Harry Potter is winning. I don't know, but I am willing to bet just about everyone has either, read a book or watched at least one movie. Seriously. With a franchise that is worth billions, I mean he has his own THEME PARK! People come on, you all know who I speak of.

Movies are sold out before opening night. Midnight releases, sometimes even 1:00am and 3:00am showings. On multiple screens! You think I am kidding, ask a movie theater! Action figures, games, bedding, clothing, costumes, wands that light up when you say 'lumos' (if they don't have it they should), bags, website dedicated to harry potter, spin-off books, posters. furniture, food for goodness sake, glasses are cool now, thanks Harry! All of this, all of it because of one kid, Harry Freaking Potter. I remember standing in line at midnight waiting for the fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh books.

The characters, she wove in seven books, characters that are unforgettable. Characters that you love like your own best friend and characters you hate and fear. Not just characters, creatures that you wish were real, (or glad they aren't!), a world that you wish you could slip into to be a wizard or even a muggle that is on good terms with them. Jobs that you wish you could have, places you wish you could shop, and yes, battles that you wish you could fight. A school that makes your high school seem, well lacking truth be told.

Harry Potter has spawned paradies and in a round about way made some people rich and famous as well.

For example, Starkid - They do a musical called A Very Potter Musical. Which is funny as hell by the way. It received such an amazing following that they did A Very Potter Sequel. In these stars Darren Criss (among other VERY talented people!! Which for the sake of being fair I will list at the end of this). Darren Criss, you might know, is now a full fledged member of Glee. Don't know Glee, then get out from under your rock, even I know about it. Now Darren Criss is amazing and deserves to be in the spot light, but with out Harry Potter there wouldn't be A Very Potter Musical and he might never have gotten noticed. Chew on that.

 

Potter puppet pals - a youtube sensation with over a 100 million hits! (that was just on one they have many!) 

All of this, all of it because one woman dreamed a world unlike any other. And as (not to be too dramatic), an era comes to and end, I find that I ask myself. What's next? There have been great books before and since, there will be great books again. The scope of this book may not be matched for quiet sometime, and probably not in my life time. So what next? I always hate to finish a good book, but in this way I have finished a great series. Now, a great movie series is coming to an end. There will be tears, (read the seventh book you'll know why), there will be laughter. I am happy for the actors, Danial Radcliffe, Emma Watson, and Rupert Grint for growing up on stage and being part of a huge phenomenon and doing it with grace and still being people that you can look up to. I am glad Emma will be able to finish college now, and that Dan and Rupert will be able to pursue other acting venues. There are rumors of Rowling making more books, I have mixed feelings. If she were to do another series, different from Potter, I would be happy, but to continue, pre-date Harry, I don't know. 

The end of a era, for some people Harry Potter has been their life. Kids that are fifteen, sixteen early twenties even, have been reading and watching movies since childhood. For others, like me, we plan on keeping Harry alive by reading them to our kids. So now we say see you later to Harry Potter. Its not goodbye, not really, for he will always have a place in our hearts, and thankfully we can revisit Hogwarts often, by simply picking up our dear friend and reading again.

Stars of a Very Potter Musical -  Darren Criss, Joey Richter, Bonnie Gruesen, Jaime-Lynn Beatty, Lauren Lopez, Joe Walker. 
Starkid - There is is the website - enjoy their productions 

And I leave you with one last image... Sorcerer's Stone - Now... My how they have grown. 

 
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This is getting f*cking stupid.

McDonald's Happy Meal Law suit.

Am I the only parent who can say no to her child? Or can limit the things my child watches on TV? Seriously? Cody has NEVER seen an ad for McDonald's.(if we had then we would have rushed out to get the Shrek watches!! I want one!) I haven't seen one in so long, that I didn't know they had ads anymore. Honestly. When we drive by McDonald's he will ask for a milk shake (loves them), but when I say no for whatever reason he is fine with that. Knowing that its a TREAT! Not something we are indulging in every damn night.

I understand that childhood obesity is a huge issue. I also think its a parental issue. Not McDonald's, not Burger King, or Pizza Hut, sure isn't Lays or Pepsi Cola or whoever else you want to blame. Its parents. Pure. Simple. Facts. If you kid is fat its your fault. Did McD's force you to pull in and order a large fry and a ten piece nugget for your kid? No sure didn't. I don't ever remember a McD employee holding a gun to my head. You as the parent buy the food that comes into your house. You as the parent chose where to get take out. You as the parent control how much time you child spends on the computer/playing video games/watching TV. This is NOT a governtment issue, its not a corporation issue, its a FAMILY issue. I am so sick and tired of companies being blamed for things that are strickly parents faults.

Own up your own actions. Realize that your lifestyle will effect your child's. GET THE CHILD OUTSIDE!!

THE BIG K

And no, I am not talking about K-Mart. Kindergarten. That small right of passage for many five year old's born at the right time in the year.

A right of passage that will be delayed for Cody until he is six. Do not pity us, or Cody. While this decision was...suggested by his Preschool teacher, I think its been in the back of my mind for quiet sometime.

So here it is. Today was Cody's Preschool evaluation meeting (not the biggie at the end of month for his Therapy), but just regular Preschool for placement in Kindergarten. Or in his case, the fact that he isn't quiet ready. Mrs. H, his teacher, whom I admit to not liking much in the beginning of the year, is really amazing. She said that Cody, while brilliant of course, is still having a serious problem with his fine motor skills. He can barely write his name, or color. He still has a hard time cutting.
I confirmed this evaluation with his other teachers in his new school. They agreed that, while Cody was very smart (their words I promise), he was still 'little'. Cody was born in September, so he faces going to school with kids that were born an entire year before him. (those kids born in November). Even six months can be a huge difference. I agree. That and his fine motor skills, seem like really good reasons to hold him back one year. Let him get these things down, grow a little, and be ready and fit for Kindergarten when he is six.

This leads us with a bit of good news. A sign almost. See we were worried about when we were coming home. If we weren't able to come home by September we were going to have to wait until next summer. Now, with Cody not going to school full time, we are able to leave whenever we need/want to. Therefore, we will be able to come home in Fall. We are excited about this. We are excited that Cody will start 'real' school in Maine, where we went to school.

I know some people would be confused by this. But why push Cody. Really? There is no reason. Who says you have to start school at five? According to Mrs. H, Kindergarten (at least here in NY), is more like first grade. I want Cody to be ready for that. I honestly, in my heart, don't think he will be ready for that kind of environment in a few short months. I want Cody to succeed in life. The best way to do this, is make sure he is ready for school. Another year of therapy and growing will make a huge difference.

A parents life is full of choices, each one leading to a different outcome with another list of choices and paths. You never know if the one you choose is right, you can only make the one that you feel in your heart is right, and pray that it is. The one thing you want, is for your child to be happy, healthy, safe, and to succeed. In anyway they chose. No one can really tell you how to handle these things, and no one can really tell you what is right for your family, your children. Only you can do that. In the end, you do your best. That is all any good parent can be expected to do.

Reflections

It dawned on me while reading another friends blog, that I haven't updated on how Cody is doing in awhile. So I thought I should get right on that!

First check out my pumpkin. Three months old and four years old! I never thought I would say it, but BOY TIME FLIES!!!

For those of you who don't know yes this is a big, nasty bump on his head. His first real injury. I think that is pretty good at four! He was pushed on the playground. When ask why the kid pushed him Cody replied "I think maybe I was going to slow". Not a good reason to be pushed but a funny answer anyway.

So Cody has been receiving Occupational and Speech Therapy for about three months now. He goes to a wonderful school that is able to provide both.

These are things he has accomplished that he wasn't able or had a hard time doing before:

Occupational:
He can now zip his jackets/pants
He can now do buttons
Put on and secure shoes
Put on a jacket
write his name and a few other letters
Hold a pencil the right way
Hold a fork the right way
Make stick figures (this was my favorite!!)
Trace letters/numbers and shapes

Speech
Okay so with speech, he can speak just fine. Everyone can understand him. He has a hard time speaking which I know doesn't make sense, but its hard to explain. If you ask him how his day was he says "fine". No elaboration. No stories. Ask him what Toy Story is about...nada. Although, he can quote that and many other movies. Has no problem learning songs, phone numbers, address etc. Its getting the information from his brain to his mouth that seems to be the problem.

Anyway that being said Cody now:
Asks questions (never did before)
Elaborate on a story
Makes connections (i.e we were talking about fish and he made the connection that sea horses also lived underwater).
It may not seem like much but we defiantly notice a difference in his conversation skills.

Being at school is also helping with his social skills, which he was lacking too. I see it when I pick him up or drop him off. He says hi to his friends, and bye. Apparently he has a 'group' that he hangs with! :)

Now some Cody speak:
When I am 21 I'll drink soda. When I am 13 I'll do this dishes. When I am 14 I'll be the biggest
Daddy and I match, but you don't match. Nope Daddy and I have penis and you don't.
Daddy and I match, we have blue eyes, but you don't you have green.
One day I will be biggest and you be the littlest
I loved this one " You are going to take me a shower" Its so funny to hear them try to work out the language.
There are so many more, but I forget them :( I will have to try and write them down. He really comes up with some good ones. 

I was thinking back today about the 'early' years. (I know, I know WAY to early to be doing this) but I find my self doing it all the time. Missing stages already. But I was talking to a coworker and I was saying, I remember the endless nights, countless bottles, mounds of diapers, hours of screaming and calling my mom and crying saying this is horrid!! She would tell me, "Enjoy this time, savour every moment" Course I thought she was off her rocker. Now I know better. Just one more hour hold a newborn in my arms. Just one more toothless smile. One more baby giggle. Not to say that having a four year old isn't fun, because it is. I have learned, perhaps the hard way, to enjoy all the moments. Even the not so pleasant ones. Cody is an amazing son. I look at him, as I did tonight was he was getting ready for bed, and just say "I am so lucky." I get teary just thinking about how absolutely wonderful he is.

Its shocking to me what he has accomplished in four years. It may seem like he should be doing more. His peers can write sonnets and shoot hoops, and are black belts. Well, I think ANY child that can walk on their own after only being on this alien planet for four years is doing awesome. But not only can he walk, he goes to the bathroom, eats, dresses, writes, listens...and speaks! He picked up the language! Its amazing to me. Another friend of mine is pregnant. She just had her first ultrasound. The baby is the size of a grain of rice. They figure she is about 7 weeks along. The babies HEART BEAT is 130! 130!!! Its mind blowing and beautiful and just astounding. 7 weeks ago nothing, now there are cells forming, and a heart beating...in four years that year beat will be inside a beautiful boy or girl. Who will dress themselves/eat/talk/play. Wonders never cease. Life truly is amazing.

I feel, as a parent, that I am getting...a second life so to speak. I get to live all over again, watching my son. I get to experience his experiences, see through his eyes, listen through his ears. I never in a million years thought that I would be part of something so wonderful. But here I am. With this beautiful, intelligent, funny, amazing little boy. I honestly feel like a very lucky mommy.

Its not what it seems.

Doesn't this look like fun?!

Okay its hard to tell from this box. This is the Gazillion Bubble Launcher. You stomp on the launch pad and swoosh up go the rocket with tons of bubbles trailing it. Yeah. You get this thing home and first of all, get it together. May not seem hard to some but I had a tad difficulty, of course it would have been easier if I hadn't misplaced the directions...moving on.

Finally you get this together, you get the bubble solution in, set the rocket in. Your anticipation is higher then your kids. You are expecting a gazillion bubbles to shoot out and fill the sky. Your son hovers over the launch pad, looks at you with big eyes and a wide smile. Three, two, one...nada. Nothing. Niente. Zip. Okay, so he didn't stomp hard enough, he is only 40ish pounds. "Try jumping sweetie". Three, two, one...okay up it goes. Wheres the bubbles? Oh of course, silly us, the solution came undone during the first try and were never set in again. Re-do rocket, make sure solution is all set...okay third time the charm. This time an adult is going to take over the launch. Watch this! Three, two, one....up ten maybe twelve feet, ten maybe twenty bubbles. Splat. Over. Done. How to explain it. Its like chocolate cake without sugar. Coffee without caffeine. I mean what is the point in a bubble launcher if...it doesn't launch. And if it doesn't spew bubbles that amaze you? Seriously. And lets talk about being cheaply made. Okay lets not because we will be here all night. Lets just say you are not getting your money worth.

This goes for a lot of kids toys though. Honestly. I can't think of how many things we have bought only to be broken not long after normal use. (by a toddler not an adult). For example, he got this flying disk thing last summer, you put the disk in push the button and wooo out flies this disk...yippee. Broke after a week. No joke. Lets see here, he had another bubble thing (kid likes bubbles), put the solution in like a water gun, and it shoots bubbles, lasted a month maybe. Piggy bank that counts, didn't last a day, though to be fair that could have been adult error.

On the other hand, he does have toys that he has literally had since he was a baby. He has this counting pig that he has had through three moves and since he was a baby. That not only still works, has never had batteries changed! Playschool I think. Good quality stuff. I think that is the trick. you have to find a company that builds quality affordable stuff.

But then, you get the 'some assembly required.' and a new parent thinks "No problem, we can do that." Ha yes you can...but you risk your marriage. In fact you risk your marriage, the potential safety of the product, and a few fingers. We tried putting a kitchen together for him one Christmas (oh did I mention you have to do this, at night, quietly, the day before holiday/birthday). It took four hours, and the damn thing was (ta da) cheaply made, not good quality at all, never quite worked right. Whether that was our poor putting together skills or because the product sucked, we will never know. The kids on the box seemed to enjoy it.

Tricycle...you know the plastic ones? Big Wheels or whatever? They don't come put together either, gotta put those together too. And if you are unfortunate enough to buy these things with your child. THEN get them home and have to have your child wait while you figure out how to put it together...God Help you! Honestly.

The worst thing about all this? After you have sliced your fingers getting the box open, after you have destroyed a pair of scissors on the plastic tie wraps. Once you have gotten blasted thing together, batteries in the right place, etc. Your child will play with it for all of ten minutes, and the grow tired of it. He/she might love it and play with it daily, or weekly or not at all. While you are left with cut fingers, broken tools, and  the promise that someday, they too will have children.